As you probably know by now, yellow how become one of my absolute favourite colours this year. It’s so bright and happy; I can’t get enough of it! When Review released this dress a number of months ago I fell in love with it instantly; the combination of lace and yellow is a dream. I admired it endlessly; every time I walked through the shops or browsed online, the temptation to buy it was very strong. But I waited and finally I noticed it on sale. I bought it earlier this weekend for less than 50% of the original price. How exciting. It’s a great time of year to wear such a dress (I’ve have so many work social events for the holiday season lately that I’ve needed dressy outfits to wear). I’m sure I’ll wear this dress on either Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day or New Years. I love it so much. I was thinking about what to wear with this dress and I decided to go for an all yellow look. The shoes have made a number of appearances of my blog and I can definitely say that, in the year I’ve had them (they were a Christmas present from my sister last Christmas), they have been my most popular/most complimented piece. I’ve certainly had a lot of wear from them. I thought the look provided a somewhat blank canvas for the imposition of my rainbow clutch bag. I’m happy with the way it looks against yellow. As the year is drawing to a close, I find myself reflecting on the myriad of changes that occurred in 2013. I’d describe the year as one of both incredible highs and incredible lows. The most life changing experience was, of course, my first six months in the workforce. I’ve done three different jobs this year and I’m greatful for the skills that I learned at each one of them. It was heartbreaking when I left my previous job which I worte about here. I was devastated and felt like my whole world fell apart and it still somewhat impacts me today. But I’m appreciative of what I learned. It was a stressful demanding job and I proved myself. For the first time in many years I was incredibly motivated to learn. I took the job extremely seriously, stayed back late most days and performed tasks well outside my comfort zone. I made progress with my anxieties and showed myself that I’m capable of much more than I think I am. I used to think my fears were so bad that I’d never handle a job, but, that wasn’t the case at all.
After leaving that job all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. It wouldn’t have taken much for me to fall back into a deep depression. But somehow I surprised myself and found the strength to start again and dedicate myself to the job I’m currently at now. I learned how unpredictable life can be. I’ve mentioned before that I love my current job. It provides a better work-life balance, I appreciate the workplace environment and I’ve met some of the best friends of my life. In a competitive job market I feel especially lucky to have a legal job in a large dynamic wokforce with a fun workplace culture. Who would have thought? I’m actually much better off having left my last job because I enjoy my current job a lot better. I’m happy with the way my professional life turned out this year.
I’ve overcome some anxities this year which is a significant personal achievement but I still feel like I have a long way to go. Conversely my most difficult battle this year has been my continued struggle with depression which, at many intervals, has become a lot worse. There are a number of personal reasons for this which I shouldn’t go into but I’ve certainly reached some unprecedented lows. I’ll continue working on it. That leads me to the topic of overspending. I’m sure it’s pretty obvious that I have a huge amount of clothes, shoes and accessories. I seem to be purchasing new items all the time. That’s not because I have a lot of money, it’s because I’m addicted to spending money in an attempt to make myself feel better. I spend when I’m sad, depressed, lonely or bored etc; sometimes I just want to fill the gaping void in my sole. I’m desperate for some happiness when I feel like a worthless loser so looking good in a new dress provides me with that (even though it’s temporary and then the need to spend sparks up again). I’ve borrowed money to buy clothes and I’ve prioritised clothes above legitimate expenses. I feel like a terrible person. I can’t afford my lifestyle and I’ll never get anywhere if I continue down this path. I’m writing about this because I want to be honest- I’ve identified a problem and it’s now time to address it. My main goal for 2014 is to stop spending so much money, to implement a minimal clothing budget and to find healthier ways of dealing with my problems instead of reaching for my visa card whenever I feel sad. I can’t believe it’s only ten days until Christmas. This year will be pretty different for me because I’m working right up until the 24th of December (quite the opposite of being a student with seemingly endless holidays around this time of year). But I’m ok with that. It’s better for me to keep busy.